I talked to my father this weekend. He determined that the glue that held our family together died. My grandmother. And that got me thinking-glue? Was she the glue or was she the crazy glue? She was the glue because she came up from nothing and worked so hard to get something, only to die in the arms of her son.
I was thinking okay. She lived, died and accomplished much. She helped me get over my lisp and we all had good times. But then, I got to thinking-what am I doing right now to make myself a better person. Or how am I using the Force within me? What do I want to be?
I guess this started off as one thing and became a diatribe on how I can improve myself. The question is am I doing as much as I could be doing to get myself together or am I just drifting by? I think I'm just drifting by aimlessly, hoping to die and start all over again. BUT...BUT what if I decided to change so radically that it even alarmed me?! What if I turned my life and credit around so fast and to be so good that people would look at me like, "Whoa, if she could do it, I can too!"
The question is do I want to and how do I go about doing it? I guess I'll have to start at my most basic self and that would be the religious base. Working my way up to the physical and mental. Stop dating losers or giving losers a chance and just actualizing on myself to show my kid that she can also be all that she wants to be or all that she can put her little mind to?
I went to see the Solar Decathalon today and it was interesting. Took lots of pictures, was kinda inspired but I guess I just need to think a bit more before I post again.
I do miss my grandma though. Sometimes, I really wish she was here and remembering things we did in the past as opposed to not.